We know breakups are hard and it is absolutely okay to be taking your own time to cope up. Everyone can relate because in this day and age, we all have been there. We all have had our hearts broken. But important is to gather the pieces of your broken heart and pull yourself out of it.

1.) Recognize he/she is not the one for you

A big reason why you can’t move on is likely that you keep seeing him/her as “the one” for you. You just can’t see yourself with anyone else but him/her. Such fixations are dangerous. This leads you to linger on and on, hoping for a “someday” which will never come. Not only that, it leads to a lot of mental projections – both on you and of him/her.

One thing I’ve realized is that if the party does not have the 110% intention to be together, then he/she is not the one for you. I always believe if real intention is there, any obstacles, no matter how insurmountable, can be overcome. If the intention isn’t there, then anything else can come forth as a “reason” for not being together

2.) Stop blaming yourself

Crush that negative impulse as soon as you can. “If you’re always thinking, ‘I was too clingy’ or ‘I was too sensitive,’ question the story you’re telling yourself about the relationship,” says Lauren Howe, a Ph.D. candidate at Stanford who studies responses to rejection (in case you thought your job was depressing). “A lot of factors determine whether a relationship fails. Maybe it was timing, or the person wasn’t ready for something that mature.”

If your sad, crushed brain is clinging to a narrative that puts you at fault, you may be trying to control the chaos, so changing that narrative will speed your comeback.

3.) Go easy on the alcohol

Alcohol is a depressant. And although it can make it easier to get to sleep, it makes it more likely you’ll wake up during the night and have disrupted sleep. Having a hangover, similarly, will make you more irritable and emotional and may make it less likely you will do the types of healthy behaviors that will lead to feeling better overall.

It’s not uncommon for men to struggle with suicidal feelings after a painful breakup. Since alcohol is “disinhibiting”—meaning it can lead to doing things you wouldn’t do if you were thinking clearly—it’s especially important you don’t drink excessively if you’re feeling suicidal.

4.) Be decisive

So, you have just broken up with your person or they have broken up with you. How are you feeling? Alone? Scared for the future? Bored? Horny?

If you are feeling any of those things, do not reach out to your ex. Period.
What often happens after a break up is that one or both of the partners start to feel lonely. They have been in a relationship and enjoyed having someone to play with and the break up creates a void in which you are alone. What also happens is that we are left with more time on our hands and we get bored. Or, if we go long enough without, we might get horny and seek out a willing, and vetted, partner.

And, when you follow your instinct on any of those things and reach out to your ex unless you TRULY want to reunite with them, you will just create more of a mess than already exists. Instead of the clean break that you had, you will get on this cycle of more talks and recriminations and pain.

So, if you are tempted to reach out to your person for any reason other than a true reconciliation, don’t. It will only bring up all the pain again and prevent you from moving on.

Brave it!